Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Gina Perry is a Retard

A Century ride wouldn't be a Century ride if you don't get lost, and to that a 15 rides blog post wouldn't be a 15 Rides blog post if it were reporting something in a prompt and timely fashion. This was brought to my attention last week, however I've been busy stomping noobs getting thrashed in Bad Company so... sorry, it's a bit late.

Santa Barbara is a beautiful city. I've seen pods of dolphins making their way up the coast while enjoying perfect weather after a leisurely bike ride. Santa Barbara has everything, beautiful town centers, art walks, incredible views, beaches and mountains.

It also is home to tawdry college co-eds and the highest STD rates in the country, or so I've heard. Aside from those two minor distractions it's also home to Gina Perry, a complete and total retard. Gina isn't happy being a retard in her own retarded way, she insists on pushing her retarded views on others by publishing poorly written op-ed pieces in The Daily Sound

I've included her commentary here for your enjoyment... and by enjoyment I mean "forthcoming rage and anger"

Since the invention of the automobile, bicycling on city roads has been a dicey proposition.

On Tuesday night, I attended the first half of a City Council meeting to hear arguments for and against the reconstruction of the De la Vina wye intersection (which would cost the city a minimum of $250,000).

The main argument for changing the intersection appeared to center around bicyclist safety and was championed at the meeting by members of a group called the Santa Barbara Bicycle Coalition. Having never heard of this group, I looked them up on the internet.

According to their website, the Santa Barbara Bicycle Coalition advocates “a community where bicycles and other non-motor vehicle options are the norms for healthy transportation and recreation.” Additionally, the website states an organizational belief that more bicycle riders on the roads will have a calming effect on motorists.

To be honest, calm is the last adjective I’d use to describe my emotions when I have to change lanes during rush hour to avoid hitting a bicyclist who is taking up half of my lane.

Persons who ride bicycles on heavily traveled roadways impede intended traffic flow, cause congestion, and are a danger to themselves and others.

Consider the following: A Chevrolet Suburban (a mid-sized vehicle if you consider the size and weight of trucks and buses traversing city roadways) weighs about eight thousand pounds. Conservatively speaking, so does an African elephant. The average bicycle weighs between 20 and 40 pounds - the size of your average toddler.

An adult who allowed a toddler to play with an elephant would be considered unreasonable (on a good day) by most community standards. Adults who choose to dance with elephants must be aware – at some level I would think - of the perilous position in which they place their lives.

A bicyclist who has trouble navigating congested and heavily traveled city streets should seek an alternate and safer route to his destination. (In Santa Barbara, there is always more than one way to get to where you want to go.)

The City Council, perhaps smarting from taxpayer outrage over a city employee wage increase and the purchase of a $60,000 parking enforcement gadget when the city is bleeding red ink, decided to table the measure. Good move.

Reconstructing intersections will not make busy streets significantly safer for bicyclists.

Instead, the City should require bicyclists riding within city limits to travel alternate routes during heavy traffic hours and/or avoid heavily traveled roadways altogether unless absolutely necessary.
Think about it. It’s a win-win and it won’t cost a dime.
Win-Win for who? You and other spoiled Psuedo-Environmentalists? I see your point, segregate the minority and all of the problems for the majority get solved... win win indeed. I think some other retarded white people tried segregation in the south with some popular success... oh wait.

Restricted routes totally make a ton of sense, (except for the illegality of it) as I'm sure by "alternative routes" she means "The beach path" which totally leads to every where you need to go in Santa Barbara right? Any way, once you start "segregating" bicycle traffic it doesn't stop. What really impedes traffic flow is Chevy Suburbans that are driven by tarts who are texting while driving on their way to the gym after picking up a frappe' mochachino. And what's up with "your emotions...?" That sounds like a personal problem, which they have meds for. I have personal problems too, but I don't insist that ridiculous laws be passed because of them. Gina Perry writes a political column for the Daily Sound that appears Thursdays. She can be reached here: E-mail the retard Gina Perry by clicking this link

I'd like to apologize to the intellectually challenged. I in no way intend for any intellectually challenged individual to feel like they are comparable to this deplorable human being.
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Monday, February 16, 2009

Soft and Buttery

Soft and Buttery. Adjectives.

For many things that require adjectives "Soft" and "Buttery" are great adjectives as they indicate a suppleness that takes the reader back to that special, comforting place. Even things in cycling can be described as soft and buttery and it's good, such as the ride quality of a properly crafted custom steal or titanium bike. These words can also be positives for tires, or the line you chose on your way down the road. For me however, "Soft" and "Buttery" are very very bad.

After a significant hiatus and 3 weeks off the bike I, Corey Keizer, am "Soft" and "Buttery" My thighs puff out of my cycling shorts like two upside down muffin tops. My skin is pale, my belly jolly. Tuesday and Thursday of last week marked the first 20 miles I've ridden since the beginning of January. Now that 20 miles is making me sore. Me. The guy who could ride 130 miles and get up the next day and ride 60 more is getting sore after a 10 mile jaunt around the park.

As with everything, I have an excuse. My year hasn't gotten off to the best start. I burned myself out in 2008, and my planned return to 2009 was put hold by a couple of family tragedies that really took the wind out of my sail. I turned to my X-Box 360 for comfort as sitting on a bike seat just didn't feel appealing at the moment.

It's not just my physique that's "Soft" and "Buttery" though. Those adjectives go much deeper for me. One thing I've learned about myself over the past couple months is that I harbor a fair amount of irritation towards those who are intolerant of cycling and cyclists, and that I've been pretty "Soft" and "Buttery" in my dialog with those people. I'm sorry but the shit has, and still is hitting the fan. Global warming is beginning it's out of control spiral, the economy has tanked and people are lining up to accept unemployment at rates that haven't been seen in decades. So why in the hell should we continue to give the right of way to those who support dogmatic loser industries that put this country in the quagmire it's in? Environment? who gives a shit, lets expand roadway spending and give huge tax breaks to car buyers to F**k the environment even more. Let's not spend money on things like active transportation that would help the environment and provide projects for people who desperately need work. No, lets continue down the same path, since it's worked out so well to this point.

I've been unreasonably nice and muted particularly to those who feel cyclists should be segregated, and not allowed on the same roadways as other vehicles. I've coddled them and tried the whole "Kill with Kindness" thing. I'm not going to hedge and say "I'm sorry for saying this" any more. If you don't like sharing the roadways that's too bad. Bikes are vehicles and that's the end of it. Read the legal code if you think I'm somehow out of line. I say the same thing to drivers who don't want to share the road as I say to myself when I see someone trying to do a 18 point parallel park with their Hummer H3, "If you don't know how to drive it, don't." Keep driving your cars and treating cyclists like crap. I'm sure when gas goes back up to $4.50 a gallon this summer you'll be looking to guys like me asking for advice on which roads are the safest. To which I'll reply "most of them, since you're not driving anymore."

To that, cyclists also need to straighten the F**k up. I'm sorry, but I'm tired of this adolescent sense of entitlement that so many of us exude that we somehow don't have to stop at stop lights and stop signs because we're training or whatever. If you want respect on the road you have to give it first. Obey the laws. Your training program isn't that important, you're only a CAT 4. If we want motorists to give us the right of way we need to show that we deserve it first.
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