Thursday, June 12, 2008

Summer = Douchebag Season

Now that Spring is almost over and Summer is right around the corner I thought it would be a good idea to remind everyone that summer is really and truly douchebag season. Now that school is out and the girls are wearing less I really feel it's time to let everyone know, in case you didn't already notice, that it is officially douchebag season. Reports have begun pouring in from cyclists who have had run ins with douchebags across the nation...

Typically douchebag season begins memorial day weekend, as douchebags are busy thinking about what to bring to the BBQ, or what to wear to the club, or busy talking on the phone with their friends, all while driving. Too busy in fact to drive and do what drivers should do, which is pay attention to driving, thus I feel I must warn all cyclists to watch out for Douchebags now that we are well into douchebag season. With global warming causing spring to blossom early this year I noticed that Douchebag season seemed to begin early. I had a run in with a douchebag in a silver Mercedes as early as the first week of April when training in Griffith Park. This Douchebag was texting her buddy while leaving the observatory and had crossed the yellow line with me behind going about 15 mph. When the douchebag realized there was a car approaching the douchebag cut hard to the right, cutting me off. I to break hard to avoid being pushed off the road and down the hill, locking up the back wheel. I realized 15 minutes later that I tore a whole in my back tire, ruining a basically new 60 dollar tire.

Doug Wolfe has had a couple run ins with Douchebags, both in Griffith Park. The first run in was unfortunately with a douchebag on a bike. Doug was descending from the observatory on the right side of the road when the douchebag was climbing, on the yellow line. As they approached, the douchebag cut across the yellow line, crashing into Doug as he was descending. Doug came out relatively unscathed, but shaken by the fact that Douchebags now seem to be not only in cars, but also on bikes. His second run in was with a city employee. As he was climbing trash can hill there was a city truck moving at about 5 mph while sitting in the middle of the road and over the yellow line. As Doug approached he decided to quickly pass on the right as he was at a point where he couldn't see if there was oncoming traffic. As he began to pass the driver of the City truck began to move, turning right and causing him to be pushed into the dirt. Of course the douchebag tried to play it off like it was Doug's fault, but quickly cut the attitude when he realized his job could be on the line.

I had another run in with a douchebag on Monday as well. I was heading North on Alameda merging into the left turn lane, when someone in a gray Thunderbird convertible who had crossed the yellow line to bypass traffic to get into the turn lane hit me. I was OK, but it folded my front wheel up. Instead of hanging out to make sure I was OK and to exchange information so she could pay for my wheel she just took off. Well, whatever miss douchebag

I'm sure many of you also have had run ins with douchebags this douchebag season, so let me know about them, and we'll call them out.

1 comment:

Jeff said...

I have run-ins with them all the time. I had one yesterday. A cement truck buzzed me on my way out of town and then the same truck buzzed me on the way back into town.
Then the cop I talked to told me all the reasons I was in the wrong and why the poor truck driver couldn't be expected to avoid me, I mean, he was driving a big heavy truck. Give me a break.
I chronicle many of my run ins with these folks on my blog if you want to take a look.