Monday, July 27, 2009

Monday... Tour Withdrawals

So the Tour de France organizers played the Danish National Anthem for the this year's winner of the Tour, who happens to be Spanish...Wait...OOPS!

I'm now officially going through withdrawals, what a great race this year. However I don't feel like giving some long drawn out commentary on this year's TDF so I'll just leave it at this: El Pistolero... I never had a doubt, even with Lance in the mix.

I like this kid. He's the most talented rider in the Pro Peloton right now. He's enigmatic, hard working, focused and dedicated. He puts in work and gets the results he wants. People can talk all they want about doping, point fingers and whatever saying things like "...and that's how you know" and what ever, but he won, and he didn't get popped for doping after a single stage, and he won't...I'll put money on it. Now...Get back to work.

Or Else
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Friday, July 24, 2009


Do you want to see the greatest thing on the internet right now?...

Kraftwerk, the Godfathers of Techno and authors of the seminal classic "Tour de France" performing LIVE (well, not quite live) at the Manchester Velodrome as Britain's gold medal cyclist take to the track
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Thursday, July 23, 2009

Fixed Gear Fascists.

Thanks to BSNYC this video was brought to my attention, although my day would have gone by just fine without it. But now since I've seen it I feel like I have to comment on it. Let me just say before the "Read More" text that I don't think anything about this video is in anyway OK. Now...

Here is the video in question. It's been making the rounds on the internetz an twitters and blogs and faceyspaces. Watch it, take a position on it and then read my awesome commentary.

Hitting people with you U-Lock is not a good idea. Under no circumstance should you hit a PERSON with your U-Lock, unless that person is attacking you with another deadly weapon like a knife, or rock, or rabid Maltese Poodle. Hitting a person with any object other than your fist or foot is considered assault with a deadly weapon and regardless of the circumstances (except self defense) you'll be charged with said felony. Now, as can be seen in this video, the attack on the pedestrian was unprovoked, so the cyclist was attacking the pedestrian not for defense but instead offense. I don't know the back story here, but regardless the pedestrian was a pedestrian and wasn't brandishing any sort of "deadly Maltipoo" so it's fair to say that this was an overreaction on the part of the cyclist.

With all of that said, it's now fair for me to speculate and cast judgement on the situation, as is my right and duty as a blogger. Most likely what happened here is that the cyclist and pedestrian became somehow entangled while one or both were entering/exiting the intersection. Due to this "close call" words were exchanged and derogatory/racist/bigoted comments were made by one or both parties. Pushing and shoving ensues and the rest can be seen in brutal detail on the video. I'm assuming that the cyclist, wound up with adrenaline from the number of "close calls" with motorists due to his inability to stop shorter than a half block, attacked the pedestrian when he was called a douchebag for rolling through the red light. The pedestrian, trying to do what he thought was "right" continued to "give the cyclist a piece of his mind" regarding his 4 way intersection etiquette and then did in fact give the cyclist a piece of his mind, no longer figuratively, but instead left "a piece of his mind" on the cyclists U-Lock.

at first I noticed the fact that the cyclist is wearing a sparkley new "Chrome" messenger bag. The bag seems to indicate that this is not a professional Bike Messenger (as a real Bike Messenger's bag would be considerably more distressed) but is instead a "Fakenger" and is undoubtedly a little "bent" due to the fact that the number of free-lance graphic design jobs he usually gets has been drastically reduced and his RISD education is quickly becoming an obsolete (figuratively)dust collecting asset. Despite this there seemed to be something more pervasive about this video, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

After watching the video a 47th time I noticed a more significant and disturbing fact. The assailant is White with blond hair, while the victim is Asian. The fixed gear movement has transcended style and fad, that fact is clear but what is more subversive is where the movement came from in the first place. Fixie bikes are intrinsically bound to Punk rock, Hard core and the like, most of which is far left on the political spectrum. However as any first year Poli-sci drop out can tell you, the spectrum is not straight but round, and when you get so far left, you risk becoming FAR RIGHT, hence the Racist Hard core music niche. Now I'm not saying that all Hard Core fans are racists, or that all ride fixed gear bikes, but that all of this is conveniently close for this undoubtedly "Fed up Honkey" and his fixed gear bike.

What we have here is the beginning of the new, subversive and frightening neo-nazi fixed gear movement. Lets not forget where Volkswagen came from... Nazi Germany's "solution" to auto transport. The beetle was to be practical, easy to manufacture and repair. Nazi's, despite their fuzzy logic, misplaced rage and racism are practical people who seek over-simplified and incorrect solutions to complex problems. The fixed gear bike fits perfectly into their need for a practical, oversimplified and incorrect transportation solution in the era of $4/gallon gas which was obviously brought on by the new Chinese middle class hence the provocation for this attack since the victim WAS Asian and thus automatically Chinese in the eyes of Das Attacker. Every shortfall in the assailants life can be blamed on the Asians all the way down to the fact that he has been cosmically relegated to riding a fixed gear bike in New York while eating Top Raman instead of living the good life off the grid on an All-White Vegan Commune in Wyoming. Thus when the assailant saw this "Goddamn Gook" crossing the street legally in the cross walk he felt it necessary to "Almost" hit him while executing an illegal rolling stop during a red light, blaming the pedestrian for the altercation, and then beating him violently with his U-Lock.

You see, simple as that. Neo-Nazi's on Fixed Gear bikes.

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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Jens Voigt: Some Little Known Facts

In yesterday's Stage 16 at the Tour de France, Saxo Bank rider and seminal hard man Jens Voigt fell during the descent off of Col du Petit-Saint-Bernard. According to the most current updates he is recovering and that his injuries are not life threatening (there's a reason for that). Our thoughts are with Jens, and in his honor I've compiled some little known facts about cycling's very own "Mavericky" German.

Some of this was taking from

After his fall on the Col du Petit-Saint-Bernard the Peloton had to be re-routed, the impact from Jens' face hitting the pavement left a 40 ft. crater.

Jens' injuries are not "Life Threatening" because nothing Threatens Jens... Ever.

Jens doesn't "Dance on the Pedals" he curb checks them.

Jens had a plan to market his sweat as an energy supplement, It was named CERA and was promptly banned.

Jens Traveled back in time and set the pace on the Ventoux in the 1967 Tour de France. The British have never forgiven him.

Jens Voigt puts the “laughter” in “Manslaughter.”

Jens Voigt climbs so well for a big guy because he doesn’t actually climb hills; the hills slink into the earth in fear as they see him approach.

If you are a UCI ProTour rider and you Google “Jens Voigt,” the only result you get is “it’s not to late to take up kickball.”

Jens was a math prodigy in elementary school, putting “Attack!” in every blank space on all his tests. It would be the wrong answer for everybody else, but Jens is able to solve any problem by attacking.

Jens’ testicles are bald because hair does not grow on a mixture of titanium, brass, steel, and cold, hard granite.

Eddy Merckx was actually a neo-pro at the same time as Jens, but Jens dropped him so hard that he shot backwards in time to the 1960’s, where he became a great champion.

Jens once had a heart attack on the Tourmalet. Jens counterattacked repeatedly until the heart attacked relented, conceding that Jens was the stronger of the two

If Jens Voigt was a country, his principle exports would be Pain, Suffering, and Agony.

If Jens Voigt was a planet, he’d be the World of Hurt.

Jens Voigt doesn’t know where you live, but he knows exactly where you will die.

Jens Voigt doesn’t have a shadow because he dropped it repeatedly until it retired, climbing into the CSC team car and claiming a stomach ailment.

Jens Voigt once challenged Lance Armstrong to a “who has more testicles” contest. Jens won… by five.

Jens wins stages by tearing holes in the space time continuum.

If Jens is moving forward, everyone else is moving backwards.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jens Voigt jumps out smiles, eats a bowl of Muesli, and attacks.

Jens Voigt doesn’t complain about what suffering does to him… but suffering constantly complains about getting picked on by Jens Voigt.

Jens Voigt can start a fire by rubbing two mud puddles together.

Jens calves are so massive that doctors had to surgically remove 33% from each leg.

Guns kill a couple dozen people every day. Jens Voigt kills 150.

Have you ever seen a pothole in the road? Those are from the sweat of Jens Voigt.

Jens Voigt rides so fast during attacks, that he could circle the globe, hold his own wheel, and ride in his own draft.

Jens Voigt nullified the periodic table because he doesn’t believe in any element, other than the element of surprise.

The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Jens Voigt has been riding on the other side in which case it's been reduced to the rocky subsoil

Jens' wheels are typically 48, spoke and soldered 4 cross, as everything buckles under his power.

In the 2008 Giro Jens won a stage. This wouldn't have been unusual except he wasn't on the roster for his team and showed up at the last minute and raced on his Electra "Amsterdam" townie.

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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Tuesday's Lazy Links

Here's a litany of links pertaining to various cycling issues. Basically what this means is there was nothing that really stood out enough for me to write about. Don't get me wrong, cyclists are still being marginalized through out the country, and even in Canada! Here's some links with some info about the marginalization.

Surprise surprise! A cyclist was hit by a car.

In Saratoga Springs, NY not only is it illegal to ride a bike to school, but also to walk. Fat is the new thing there, its the new agenda.

Colorado is a great place to ride a bike, just not on Jefferson County country roads

From Canada, 5 cyclists were hit. Make sure to look at the pictures, they're pretty horrific.

So...How do I feel about all of this? well...
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Monday, July 20, 2009


I know this isn't really advocacy related, but it is cycling related because it's my friend Jeff and Jeff's a cyclist and since this is my blog I can write about whatever I want, so there. Jeff recently lost his son Pablo to a type of Cancer called Wilm's Tumor. Pablo actually had Bi-Lateral Wilm's Tumor, meaning not one, but both of his kidney's were affected by the cancer. You hear about people discovering cancer at stage 4, Doctors caught Pablo's cancer at stage 5, that's right, Wilm's Tumor is the only cancer with 5 stages.

Jeff, his wife and their son have started a foundation called the Pablove foundation which is dedicated to helping the victims of pediatric cancer. I recommend you click and check out what the Pablove foundation is all about. When you're done, please donate. Once you are done with that and have donated and thus feel much better about your day you should read this, written by Jeff, Jo Ann and Grady about their experience over the past 14 months since Pablo was diagnosed in May of 2008. I read a lot of stuff, news, magazines, books, instructions; but this has become a daily reader for me over the past couple months as it's one of the most honest and heartfelt blogs I've ever read. After you've read a few entries you'll feel like everyone is your best friend. Now, I know this is link overload, but click here also, and watch the video of Jeff and Pablo on I've tried embedding a copy of the video here, but I'm not sure if it works.

It's also Important to point out that Jeff is currently planning a ride called "Pablove Across America". I don't have a lot of details yet, other than the fact that it's a ride across America starting in South Carolina and ending here in Los Angeles. As planning for the ride progresses I'll keep you up to date.

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Friday, July 17, 2009

Mario is Watching you!

I wish you all good rides this weekend as I'll be signing off until Monday. Please be safe, have fun, and keep the rubber side down.

But most importantly... remember to look good while you're doing it...

Mario is watching you!
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This is a Good Idea

I found this on the LAist today. It's a good idea, and it's about time we started thinking like this. Vulnerable user laws are good because they protect uh... Vulnerable users. click here for more details. Or don't. Just know that vulnerable user laws create greater education and harsher penalties when said vulnerable users are the victims of crimes. Some may call it special treatment, but whatever; I call getting a "reckless driving" charge after you've plowed down and killed a cyclist with your 3000 lb suburban "special treatment" also, so yea...let the tables turn. Read more!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Possible Pickle Industry/Dave Zabriskie "Colabo"???

It can't be all bad all the time right? Found this today as I was leaving the office. The cleaning people seem to have commandeered what was a pickle storage container.

The container led me to believe that the Pickle industries has tapped Dave Zabriskie as an industry spokesperson after the success of his groinal support product DZNutz. I snapped this spy photo, which proves beyond listless wonder and fanciful speculation that it is in fact the resulting product of a Pickle industry/Dave Zabriskie Colabo. Titled simply DZ Pickles.
"What Pickles?"
"Dz Pickles!".

It always made sense to me (but not to Lance) that DZ Nutz would be plural, however in this case it seems a bit weird that "Pickles" is plural, unless these are pickles that are meant for shower time after Paris-Roubaix. Whatever though... anything cycling related gets my money.

Now get back to work.
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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

WTF Santa Clarita?

Santa Clarita is awesome. Articles here in give further evidence of it's total awesomeness. "The Law" gets extra points with this one. The Santa Clarita Signal has a couple articles about drivers hitting, killing and seriously injuring cyclists. There was an incident on July 4th where the driver wasn't even arrested. Now, I have friends who are and have been police officers, and they usually have a half way descent explanation for charges not being brought, but when someone is in the hospital with a crushed spine and doctors on rotation to watch for potentially deadly swelling I find explanations to be worthless.

I recommend reading both articles, if you enjoy being steaming fucking angry.
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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Is this thing still on?

Just Checking.

It's been something like 5 months since my last post. Sorry. Things have been kind of crazy. There's been some events over the past couple months that have made me decide that it's time to pick this thing up and start running with it again. I'll report in another post soon. This one is really just to test some stuff.

Get back to work.

Or Else
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