Sunday, February 3, 2008

Pick up Your Effin Trash

2 weeks ago I was riding the secret slopes and I saw something that really pissed me off. I had just hopped the gate and was heading up the first climb and I happened to look over to my right. You know what I saw? Trash. But not just any trash, cycling trash. I found a crumpled, half eaten Powergel. Goddammit. Of all the fucking trash that I see on the road I fucking hate seeing trash that is from someone who, I'm sure, professes to all their friends how much they love the outdoors...

I never litter, and I'm super OCD about keeping my jersey clean too. That makes me an authority on stuff, which means I get to tell you what to do. I understand why guys don't stuff half eaten gels in their jersey, because it gets all sticky and nasty in your pockets. But really that crap washes out, so whatever. I also understand because sometimes you're all worked up and training hard, but come on. I know what the prizes are going to be in that CAT 5 race so I wouldn't put to much into those intervals. Really neither of those two reasons are any excuse to dump your trash all over the road, so I don't want to hear it. What do they say? Excuses are like what? That's what I thought. I, personally have a system for not littering, and keeping the sticky mess from getting all gross in my pockets. Remember? I'm not an authority for nothing.

I'm sharing it with you, you better get with the system or I'm going to start picking up all your fucking gel packs and drop them off on your desk at work. So for your benefit, here's the system, in pictures!

Obviously, first you are going to open and eat your gel. I can eat and ride at the same time, it's a reasonably easy skill to master, if you can't ride and eat at the same time, don't try on a training ride. If you can eat and ride at the same time, you should be able to do the following steps:

Completely finish the packet like so. Make sure to eat all of it, since you need to get all those calories. Mmmm... that's tasty

Once you've eaten all the gel, take the top and roll it into the gel packet. Roll the packet starting from the open side, to keep it from leaking. This will help keep things clean. It's like rolling a blunt, only different.

Tuck the packet up into your shorts. You're shorts are going to get dirty anyway so do it. Don't be a sissy. Also, gel's are water based so even if some gel leaks it will wash out.It's like that time you stuck a sock roll in your shorts to impress that girl, only this time you you're not being a chump.

Yea! Now things are right where they are supposed to be. Your trash isn't out in the nature that you are trying to enjoy. Good job! You did something good for someone other than yourself this time!

Now like I said earlier, I know how important training is and all that stuff, but lets be realistic. Like you can't stop for a minute to eat and put stuff away the right way. If you're not a complete douche bag I'm sure you see what I'm saying here. This will help reduce your footprint on the environment, and it will make you feel better about yourself since you're doing the right thing.

Now, have a good ride you jerk.


Mellow Mikey said...

Hey- don't forget to give creds to the photographer!

Erik said...

Corey...does this mean you are cleaning up your room on a regular basis and actually cleaning the sheets?