Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Thanks Fatty McFakenger, Thanks for helping the Cause...Oh Wait.

Normally when I use phrases like this it's because I'm talking to, or about some motorist who did something stupid like cut me off or hit a cyclist or something like that. But unfortunately this time I'm talking about one of our own. Yes, this total asswad was a cyclist if you want to call him that.

This douchebag, this fucking guy, this cigarette smoking, fat fucking slob wannabe punk rock fakenger on his flat bar fixed gear.

"I'm so cool and indie punk, I'm such a non-conformist I'm going to get a fixed gear and pimp it out with some trick velocity rims and some flat mountain bars and cut them all short and then pop some Oury grips on them, because I'm such an individual and that's totally not trendy for city dwelling punk rockers with mohawks and tattoos and ear plugs"

What a dummy. Anyway... As I'm sitting by my car putting some stuff away I see this dude roll up on a four way intersection in a mall parking lot (A MALL PARKING LOT, if there were ever a location where idiot motorists congregate to NOT pay attention it's in a mall parking lot, so be aware) complete with lines of cars coming from all directions, some with blinkers on. Instead of pulling a skid stop (like most true messengers know how to do) or rolling up slowly Fatty McFakenger decides to just blow through it. So when the dude in the car who was trying to turn turns into fatty's line, fatty McFakenger gets his panties in a wad so far up his fat ass that he starts flyin' off the handle at the driver. I don't know for sure, but last time I checked, stop means stop, not go real fast.

After Fatty McFakenger took off I could see the different drivers shaking their head. Great. You know what that means, I'm sure he was thinking "Fucking pricks on bicycles, they're always running red lights and causing trouble" I'm so stoked that I'm going to get lumped in the same group with that guy. That guy just undid all the work that cyclists like me do to try and get better relationships between drivers and cyclists. So thanks fatty, you fucking dipshit, thanks for fucking everything up that I've been working on.

Now, I'm not a shining example of roadway etiquette, nor a perfect law abiding citizen. I've been known to pull a California stop at an intersection and even blatantly disregard stop signs if there is no traffic. Despite all of that I know when I'm wrong, and in an effort the smooth relations between cars and cyclists I try to be respectful of the rules of the road, but assertive of my rights to the road when I'm sharing it with cars. When a car almost hits me (or does) I try to be as polite as possible when making them aware of their mistake. Rolling up on a driver screaming and cussing at them at the top of your lungs always feels like the right thing to do (and probably is, since they did completely disregard you and almost hit your ass) but in my experience it only makes the driver extremely defensive, and usually results in a shouting match that gets nothing resolved. I've found however if you roll up on drivers and politely say, "Hey, you almost hit me back there, please be more aware and watch what your doing" they tend to be a bit more understanding, and are usually apologetic. Now, I have run into folks who get pissed and respond with "You need to get off the fucking road" to which I politely respond with a key to their door.

1 comment:

bill m said...

douchebags.....cant wait for this whole punk rock fixed gear thing to piss off. i once rolled up on the SFV "critical mass"(all 15 of them) totally blocking the bike path over in balboa park......douches couldnt even get out of the way of another guy on a bike.....these are the idiots i want representing "the cause".....