Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Goverment Coverup: PAA San Dimas Race Simulation Causes Tear in Time Space Fabric, Hysteria Engulfs Region.

I apologize for this report arriving so late. I've been held captive for the past 72 hours in a secret government bunker while Army scientists have been interrogating me regarding a certain "event" that took place this past weekend in Southern California. What follows is an account of the event. ...

In what was the strangest turn of events in the history of PAA training rides, or in the history of the universe for that matter, the PAA San Dimas Stage Race Race Simulation Training Ride tore the fabric of space time this past Saturday. The tear caused utter pandemonium and panic among club members on the ride through out various locations in the San Gabriel Valley. In what could only be described as a “Philadelphia Experiment-ish” occurrence, PAA riders of various categories found themselves transported from one location to the next in often unthinkably short amounts of time. Many members of the club were later examined and interviewed by doctors, scientists, physicists and other leading minds in the area of relativity to try and shine some light on this occurrence.

The details of this Event are highly classified government secrets as the department of national security can only assume that if this was to be replicated by the break away government of Fredistan that it would spell utter destruction for the planet on a much more immediate time table than digging away at it with a spoon. Despite it's classified nature, some details have been released while others have been leaked to me by officials close to the investigation.

The first indicators of Space/Time abnormalities became apparent at code name “Encanto” Park, where large numbers of the Pasadena Athletic Association had amassed for the PAA San Dimas Stage Race Race Simulation Training Ride. It was completely unknown to the anyone in the club, including the organizing member, Coach Rick Babington, that such a large collection of CAT 4/5 racers determined to work together as a team in upcoming competitions utterly defies not only standard cycling club logic, but also the laws of physics itself. “CAT 4 racers typically only look out for themselves, so to have such a highly organized group determined to work for the greater good of the squad just slaps in the face of the natural order of the universe” commented chief investigator Randolph Gonzalez III, a Nobel Prize winning Physics Professor at Yale who was flown in when the tear was discovered. “ To then have such a well organized CAT 5 team, well, that's just... It's not wonder!” continued Gonzalez.

Some in the conspiracy community have put forward a theory that the tear in the fabric of Space/Time was actually caused by PAA Member "Chris'" handle bars. This theory had more fuel thrown on it when the above picture surfaced. This image, taken at the moment of the alleged second tear in Space/Time was happening seems to indicate that the tear happened due to the extreme yellowness of the handlebars. Rogue Scientist Adolph Von Pettermaneshevitz supports this belief, "Handlebars should never be so yellow, it simply shouldn't happen in nature. Is the sun that yellow? I think not."

Many in the Scientific community are calling for heavy sanctions against the PAA CAT 4/5 and even Pro & 1/2/3 teams stating that “The organizers should have known that such a disregard for the natural order would have resulted in potentially earth shattering disasters”.

When reached for comments, CAT 4/5 Captain Jerry Sanders stated with loud defiance “PAA cannot be held responsible for having such well managed, organized and unified teams. The riders work together on their own accord, What are we supposed to do, tell them to stop? Yea right!! You try standing in front of the Blue and Red train and tell it to stop!”.

Despite numerous phone messages being left, USA Cycling has not commented on the events of last weekend.

The Tear in the Space/Time Continuum occurred after the members of PAA arrived at a secret training location. The tear became apparent on the road code named “GMR”. Many in the Conspiracy communities believe this to be Glendora Mountain Raod, however government scientists have remained tight lipped on the exact wear abouts of this secret road. Witness to the event spoke in terrified horror of PAA riders “Disappearing” on the lower slopes of “GMR” only to reappear mere moments later at the top of the road. Enrique O'Masterson, a local who lives not far from the base of “GMR” witnessed the event. “It was unlike anything I'd ever seen before. First there was this group of bicycle riders all dressed in red and blue with a crazy angry looking bull on their shirts, then one by one the disappeared! I saw them all moments later at the top of the road. I couldn't believe my eyes so I got my binoculars and it was them! Standing on top of the mountain, laughing so loud we could here them all they way down here! Laughing all crazy like they were some kinds of demon gods or something! My daughter hasn't spoken a word since!!!”

Many Scientists are now speculating that there might have actually been a second tear, that occurred later at a location codenamed "Bonelli" Where the PAA members where later spotted. Witness recount seeing smaller sub-groups of the PAA club disappearing and reappearing momentarily, only to disappear again, then reappear, being thrust out of some kind of wrinkle in space time at incredible velocities.

Leading Scientists also credit this tear in Space Time with other seemingly unthinkable events in cycling.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure the rip in the space time fabric caused me to get dropped at the start of the third lap of the Cat 5 simulation....

Greg (guy in right corner of photo in foreground).