Thursday, July 23, 2009

Fixed Gear Fascists.

Thanks to BSNYC this video was brought to my attention, although my day would have gone by just fine without it. But now since I've seen it I feel like I have to comment on it. Let me just say before the "Read More" text that I don't think anything about this video is in anyway OK. Now...

Here is the video in question. It's been making the rounds on the internetz an twitters and blogs and faceyspaces. Watch it, take a position on it and then read my awesome commentary.

Hitting people with you U-Lock is not a good idea. Under no circumstance should you hit a PERSON with your U-Lock, unless that person is attacking you with another deadly weapon like a knife, or rock, or rabid Maltese Poodle. Hitting a person with any object other than your fist or foot is considered assault with a deadly weapon and regardless of the circumstances (except self defense) you'll be charged with said felony. Now, as can be seen in this video, the attack on the pedestrian was unprovoked, so the cyclist was attacking the pedestrian not for defense but instead offense. I don't know the back story here, but regardless the pedestrian was a pedestrian and wasn't brandishing any sort of "deadly Maltipoo" so it's fair to say that this was an overreaction on the part of the cyclist.

With all of that said, it's now fair for me to speculate and cast judgement on the situation, as is my right and duty as a blogger. Most likely what happened here is that the cyclist and pedestrian became somehow entangled while one or both were entering/exiting the intersection. Due to this "close call" words were exchanged and derogatory/racist/bigoted comments were made by one or both parties. Pushing and shoving ensues and the rest can be seen in brutal detail on the video. I'm assuming that the cyclist, wound up with adrenaline from the number of "close calls" with motorists due to his inability to stop shorter than a half block, attacked the pedestrian when he was called a douchebag for rolling through the red light. The pedestrian, trying to do what he thought was "right" continued to "give the cyclist a piece of his mind" regarding his 4 way intersection etiquette and then did in fact give the cyclist a piece of his mind, no longer figuratively, but instead left "a piece of his mind" on the cyclists U-Lock.

at first I noticed the fact that the cyclist is wearing a sparkley new "Chrome" messenger bag. The bag seems to indicate that this is not a professional Bike Messenger (as a real Bike Messenger's bag would be considerably more distressed) but is instead a "Fakenger" and is undoubtedly a little "bent" due to the fact that the number of free-lance graphic design jobs he usually gets has been drastically reduced and his RISD education is quickly becoming an obsolete (figuratively)dust collecting asset. Despite this there seemed to be something more pervasive about this video, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

After watching the video a 47th time I noticed a more significant and disturbing fact. The assailant is White with blond hair, while the victim is Asian. The fixed gear movement has transcended style and fad, that fact is clear but what is more subversive is where the movement came from in the first place. Fixie bikes are intrinsically bound to Punk rock, Hard core and the like, most of which is far left on the political spectrum. However as any first year Poli-sci drop out can tell you, the spectrum is not straight but round, and when you get so far left, you risk becoming FAR RIGHT, hence the Racist Hard core music niche. Now I'm not saying that all Hard Core fans are racists, or that all ride fixed gear bikes, but that all of this is conveniently close for this undoubtedly "Fed up Honkey" and his fixed gear bike.

What we have here is the beginning of the new, subversive and frightening neo-nazi fixed gear movement. Lets not forget where Volkswagen came from... Nazi Germany's "solution" to auto transport. The beetle was to be practical, easy to manufacture and repair. Nazi's, despite their fuzzy logic, misplaced rage and racism are practical people who seek over-simplified and incorrect solutions to complex problems. The fixed gear bike fits perfectly into their need for a practical, oversimplified and incorrect transportation solution in the era of $4/gallon gas which was obviously brought on by the new Chinese middle class hence the provocation for this attack since the victim WAS Asian and thus automatically Chinese in the eyes of Das Attacker. Every shortfall in the assailants life can be blamed on the Asians all the way down to the fact that he has been cosmically relegated to riding a fixed gear bike in New York while eating Top Raman instead of living the good life off the grid on an All-White Vegan Commune in Wyoming. Thus when the assailant saw this "Goddamn Gook" crossing the street legally in the cross walk he felt it necessary to "Almost" hit him while executing an illegal rolling stop during a red light, blaming the pedestrian for the altercation, and then beating him violently with his U-Lock.

You see, simple as that. Neo-Nazi's on Fixed Gear bikes.


Bill Meadows said...

stupid fucking wannabes....

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Brad M said...

I see cyclists ignoring lights all the time. It is especially bad throughout the "Great Hipster Silk Route" as BSNYC puts it. Thankfully I am seeing more and more responsible riders on the roads, mainly in Manhattan. I do still get astonished and bewildered looks from motorists and cyclists alike when I stop at lights and generally ride with common sense. I can't see the video anymore but I can't imagine what was going through this idiot's mind when he decided to attack the pedestrian. I think your analysis was right on though. The fact that you ride a fixie is a choice (which some may question) and does not magically exclude you from traffic and assault laws nor does it entitle you to any sort of special treatment from anyone at any time. Karma's a bitch.

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