Saturday, January 26, 2008

PAA "Mystery" Covert CAT 4/5 Training ride

There are many operations that take place on a regular basis throughout the United States that are considered "Black" or off the budgets, off the records, and out of the news. Of those clandestine operations none is more notorious than the PAA CAT 4/5 training rides. Conspiricy theories and speculation are abundant, with the PAA CAT 4/5 team often being stalked by photographers looking to blow the cover on their highly guarded routes, Cold War inspired training tactics and a squad members list that is as secret as the identity of Paris Hilton's coke dealer... Unparalleled in the secrecy of team communique it is not uncommon for orders from the 4/5 coaches and captains to go out mere hours before the ride takes place. 4/5 riders are expected to be perched at the ready, prepared for a training ride that could take place at any time, and anywhere in the world. As a relatively unpopular member of the larger "Cover" known simply as the Pasadena Athletic Association, I was granted unfettered access on one of the 4/5 team's most clandestine training rides. I was ripped from my slumber at 6:30 and dragged to an unnamed location. What follows is a highly censored synopsis of today's clandestine training ride.

Through much investigation by conspiracy theorists it has been discovered that the PAA CAT 4/5 team seems to concentrate much of their training in Southern California, and more specifically in the Northern Suburbs surrounding Los Angeles. Today's ride left from an unnamed park directly north of Hollywood, headed north through some of the connecting suburbs before winding through the country and reaching the marque sections of the routes. I left with a group of 5 or 6 riders and then met two more in an area that I believe to be close to the freeway. We wound our way up to what I can only assume was S C , a northern suburb of Los Angeles. Before reaching the main sections of the training ride we stopped for what the captain, whom I've heard M-16 and the CIA refer to as "The Wall", for a refuel. I was able to snap a photo that I'm sure will blow the lid off the PAA CAT 4/5 teams nutritional plan, a plan that was designed after years of government experimentation on endurance athletes and Navy Seals between 1976-2001. Conspiracy theorists have speculated at length that 9/11 was an elaborate cover-up used to disguise the destruction of the testing facilities and all records of the experiments for fear they would be leaked and sold on the black market due to scaled back military security during the Clinton administration. It is also highly debated among conspiracy theorists that some of those government doctors have found their way into the ranks of the PAA CAT 4/5 team, thanks to the organizations deep coffers.

After the refuel, we continued on for another 15 miles before reaching the first marque climb of the day. I was amazed, nay in awe as I watched various member of the PAA CAT 4/5 team deftly handle this difficult and steep climb. The elegance with which they climbed was inspiring. It is not every day that a casual rider like myself finds himself surrounded by such greatness. It is no wonder they keep their squad list so highly guarded.

After descending from the first climb back to a relatively civilized area ( I say "relatively" as this area was heavily traveled by "bros" in their archaic and ridiculously modified American trucks, thus making me assume we were somewhere in the 909, I later determined I was wrong) the team regrouped to refuel again. One can imagine that a team that burns 50,000 collective calories would have to refuel often. The team split one taking a flat route for TTT training while my group went up the final marque climb. This climb was incredibly long, and difficult. It was guarded by a fast moving river, which the team easily negotiated. It's astonishing the skill level of this team. Again, as we went up the road I was in awe. I could not hold the pace of the rest of the group, and quickly fell off the back, losing contact with the group. We again regrouped and headed back to the original meeting location. From there the team went back to their daily life, assuming their "sleeper" identities.

I would not be surprised if this is my last post... I feel I may have revealed too much.

1 comment:

PAA said...

Great report and GREAT photo of the "secret training diet."