Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Westside Riders Beware the Pink Bullet!!!

I was on an insanely fast ride this weekend (reference this link for full ride details) with some guys from the club when I ran into an anomaly on the Westside that caught me quite by surprise. We were rolling down San Vicente in Santa Monica when my sensibilities were assaulted...

The Pink Bullet first caught my attention a few blocks away from where the incident actually took place. As we were heading south on San Vicente I could feel a car passing me in a manner that was a little too close for comfort and it startled me. When I saw that the car was a Pink Miata I immediately thought to myself "Oh, it's the fact that it's an extremely ugly, little car that startled me, not the nature or proximity of the way the driver passed me" and I let it go. Actually, I still did think it passed a little close, and that it was really, really ugly.

As we approached the intersection at San Vicente and 26th street I could see that there was a gradually right leaning line of cars that was developing. All of the drivers in this line were obviously turning right, but were respecting the autonomy of the bike lane that parallels the two driving lanes. Except for that is, The Pink Bullet. The driver of this assault on decency swerved violently into the bike lane trying to circumvent the line of cars and make a right hand turn before the other motorists could. realizing that the bike lane was too tight even for her diminutive atrocity she stopped, and simply stayed put.

Having no choice but to enter the driving lane because the bike lane was now "Obstructed" we did so, and on my way around this rolling pile of visual pollution I gave my usual polite but slightly sarcastic wave. To which she responded by waiving her hands around wildly, whipping a camera out of her purse and taking pictures of me while she undoubtedly screamed obscenities which I could not hear. Unsure as to why she was taking pictures of me (other than the fact that I'm devilishly handsome) I decided to take a picture of her, as she was still planted firmly in the bike lane despite the fact that the light was green and that traffic had proceeded and there were now people trying to pass her in the driving lane which she was partially blocking.

The Pink Bullet, in all it's bike lane blocking glory

The license plate of the pink bullet, documented here for safety's sake

Now it's fairly obvious to me, but maybe not to others, that anyone who would drive the devils delivery vehicle is obviously insane. I know this because I have common sense. Another indicator of her insanity is the fact that with only my stunning good looks as provocation she began snapping pictures wildly like a rampant paparazzi. I can only imagine the chemical imbalance that was driving her outburst, maybe schizophrenia or something else like chlamydia induced hysteria. Either way she is a frightening individual who is only made more frightening by her frightening car.

I advise all cyclists to keep their distance from all Pink Miatas, as I'm sure there aren't many in the L.A. area as most folks here have some amount of class and decency enough to know not to drive such an affront to humankind. Please beware, and good day to you all.

1 comment:

Mark said...

Gonna send the photo to local PD?